Junot Díaz in conversation with the New Yorker’s Hilton Als at The Strand, New York, (4/12/13) [x] (via mashrou3-ummi)
If this is how you relate to your family, if their good treatment of you is contingent upon you acting a certain way beyond “I’m a considerate, reasonable, nice person and not an asshole”, that is conditional love, it is abusive, and you need to start drawing boundaries and/or cutting ties.
This is the worst truth: they may very well love you so much. That is not a valid reason for you to endure their mistreatment and become a misery sponge just so they can reap the benefits of having you there, when you not only get nothing from it, you get hurt. It is not your job to hurt for your family. Yes, we all sacrifice for those we love, sometimes doing the right thing hurts. A healthy relationship, that sacrifice does not involve parts of your psyche, it does not involve giving up or hiding parts of yourself.
Please learn this, babies. Please learn this, please never put up with people, even family, treating you like you don’t matter, like you don’t know what you are doing, like you’re always wrong for just being what you are.
Also, learn about gaslighting and be aware that this is a common thing for people to do, even when they “love” you. People may not even know they are doing it, or be aware of how awful it is. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt you, it doesn’t mean they shouldn’t stop, and it doesn’t mean you have to put up with it.
(via naamahdarling)
(Source: pasunepomme, via arliss)